Tyler C. Returns, Heather Returns, and is Hannah B. a bad friend?
Issue #6, Episode #6
I’m coming in hot as I write this. Just finished the episode. Just found out I have a snow day tomorrow! Just ate some CTC (Cinnamon Toast Crunch). Just wrapped up a cordial but heated argument over text with a good friend on if Hannah B. is a bad friend or not with the Heather situation. And just realized upon seeing Tyler C. on my screen again that I may never get over him and Hannah not being together. It’s a lot to digest! But allow me to welcome you to Will You Accept This Publication? (WYATP?) I am awed, happy, and humbled to be here. This seems like as good a time as any to say: please subscribe.
I wanted to start this issue off with a PSA. Let me take way too long to set this up by starting with something that, quite frankly, does not interest many people: hearing about the Enneagram types of others. I am a 7 on the Enneagram which means many things, but one thing to note is that I become a little obsessed with certain things. Here are just a few memorable deep dives of my recent past:
The Quarantine Crew (obviously)
To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (just the first one, watched it no less than 12 times.)
Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield’s relationship, which ended in 2015. (I watched a few well-done fan videos on YouTube.)
Hart of Dixie
The NBA during the summer of 2019, listened to the Book of Basketball by Bill Simmons, as well as every single one of his podcasts.
NYT’s cooking videos (Small Kitchen, Big Thanksgiving with Alison Roman is a masterpiece.)
Sarah Maas’ second book in her Court of Thorns and Roses series. (Listen, it’s called A Court of Mist and Fury. Don’t look up the cover…or do. I’ve read it at least 10 times. I truly love it.)
As an Enneagram 7, I need you to know that when I love something, I believe everyone else should love it, too. However, an area of my life that I probably do this the most with is podcasts. I have to limit my podcast intake because I love them so much. I mentioned in a previous issue that at one point I listened to 5 or 6 Bachelor podcasts alone. After some consideration of my time and priorities, I’ve narrowed that down to…less than what I was listening to before.
All of this to say, I just really need you to take my word for it and listen to Rosecast Bachelor Recaps with Rim and AB. It’s “The number one Bachelor Recap hosted by a male interracial best friend duo,” and if you’ve kinda always thought a podcast about the Bachelor is a notch past what you’re willing to commit to, just reconsider for one episode’s length of time (though, fair warning - they probably went long.) I stumbled upon their podcast back when I was in the Reddit game (another life, another thing I’ve had to completely weed out from my life.) After showing it to my good pal Kaitlin EuDaly, we decided that finding Rosecast was one of the best things to happen to us during 2020. I said one of the best. We are both mothers, friends, and wives with lots of wondrous things to be grateful for happening every day. I’d say top 5 thing of 2020 though, for sure.
They are just really funny. Their breakdowns are a lot fresher than others I’ve heard, and where else can you hear a 20-minute analysis of a pool basketball date? This concludes my PSA.
Let’s get to the episode.
Top 10 Thoughts I Have - Episode 4
in no particular order
The cold open with Chris on the walkie-talkie acting as if he could never have seen this coming, walking all the way down the driveway to meet Heather at the security gate, and then saying, “Heather Martin? What are you doing here?” and then acting like he had to have a conversation with the Powers That Be was insulting.
I don’t care for the new 2-on-1 format. The 2-on-1 is a classic: one contestant should be whisked away with the lead in a helicopter, while the other is stranded in the Badlands, with viewers wondering when he or she will be reunited with their belongings and loved ones. In COVID times, the least they could do is leave one person in the woods of Nemacolin. Instead, we have a quick meeting before a rose ceremony, which undoubtedly leads to the Bachelor/Bachelorette canceling the cocktail party because they are too “worn out by the drama.”
When people tell you that their “heart is so big,” it’s a red flag. It’s just one of those characteristics that others should know, you needn’t tell them. Meredith went home, and I wasn’t sad to see her go.
Is Serena C. a hidden mean girl remnant from the Victoria, Anna, MJ era? Her conversation with Katie was distressing. I think I’m on Katie’s side here. The bullying in the house is something I feel Matt deserved to know, especially since the escort rumors were started. Katie never brought up names and handled it all with class. Additionally, when you spend most of your time on the show in a house with other women and some of those women are being treated horribly, what is the argument against speaking up to try and squash it?
One of my favorite quotes from this was Katie saying, “Don’t speak on my behalf because you’re bad at it.”
The amount of screen time with Heather was too much. I automatically just don’t believe any storyline they are telling me with her. I personally don’t think that Hannah B. played the role they say she did, especially after the producers did her dirty by airing her time with Peter on that group date last season, making her look awful. I can’t believe she would set her friend up to go about it this way. Perhaps she said Heather would be great with Matt, but why not at the very least have Heather start the season with the rest of them? I also could be delusional about this. Highly likely. Nevertheless, I stand by what I said. Comment below with your take on how this came about.
Matt and Pieper’s carnival date was fun! That seems like a legit good date, and their dinner conversation was nice as well. What Pieper shared at dinner is a more realistic look at what vulnerability looks like, in my opinion. She shared a rough family dynamic that feels real, and she seems super self-aware of how that dynamic might affect her life. I like her and Matt together, but I don’t know if I get “The One” vibes from her.
Also, compare this carnival date with Brendan’s “hometown” carnival date with Tayshia. The budget differences are staggering. Or Zac and Tayshia’s cardboard taxi with the G Wagon in this episode.
I thought the bowling date was fun. Kit, specifically, cracked me up. When the pink team lost and she says to Matt, “Matt, who do you want in a wife? A bowler?!” I’d love to see more moments like that. It’s way more entertaining than all this other drama they’ve spent way too long on. People need to laugh!
Tyler C. shows up! Matt says the process worked for Tyler, so he knows it could work for him. Never a more depressing statement uttered in the Bachelor universe.
Katie and Matt were funny together on that date pranking Tyler, but I didn’t feel like they had it. I must say, though, I was still surprised to see her go this early. I felt sad for her. I think she knew this was coming, but still. I hated seeing all of the girls cover their smiles when they realized she was sent home.
These gals still haven’t learned their lesson about how to act when a new girl shows up! It feels like deja-vu from when the other women showed up. Why are you mad at the individual(s) showing up? Do you think they had any actual power in this situation?! Play it cool, and just have some confidence. If Matt sends you home and keeps a new girl, it means he didn’t see it with you, and I’m sure that sucks! Comment below with your thoughts.
Fermentation Nation
your weekly boozy Bachelor breakdown
Each week, we’ll take a look back at last week’s episode and draw inspiration for a new crafty cocktail that you can make in the comfort of your own home. Here’s a look at what we’ll be drinking during next week’s episode. Send in a picture of your journey making this week’s drink to 573-340-8352 for a strong chance to have your picture in a later issue.
Yet. Another. Girl. Nobody asked for it, but we got it…classic producer move. While drinking this week’s cocktail, I hope you ask yourself, “Why did he do that? It seems weird and unnecessary. The original was already delicious on its own.” As the producer of these cocktails, I say to you, “Because I can. I’m the producer. Deal with it.”
“Producer Move”
1 glass of your favorite Rosé
1 dollop of strawberry jam
Directions:
Add a dollop of strawberry jam into wine glass.
Pour your preferred glass of Rosé on top.
Drink and feel free to be a little annoyed.
Hot Takes from Bachelor Nation near and far
If you, too, would like to submit a Hot Take, please text 573-340-8352 by Tuesday at noon after the episode airs. All Hot Takes welcome and encouraged. And sometimes demanded. But in a cool way where there’s no pressure, and it’s all fun.
“Hannah B. is a bad friend. I stand by it. Heather rolls up and says, ‘Hannah got home from quarantine and told me how perfect Matt was for me and how I just NEED to meet him.’ If your best friend said that to you…whether or not she told you to directly go or not…you would go. And there is NO way Heather didn’t tell Hannah she was going. No way. And Hannah didn’t stop her?! She should have set her and Matt up long before he went on the show.” -Jenn Doble
“No way you can blame Hannah for this situation. Heather showing up saying, ‘Hannah told me I should for it with Matt’ means nothing. A producer called Heather and said, ‘Come to Nemacolin in 10 days and do a skit with Chris Harrison.’” -Alex Zielinski
“TC would show up in a salmon-colored shirt. And I’m here for it.” -Jamie Lazechko
“HE STILL KISSES WITH HIS EYES OPEN.” -Catie Horseman
“Do they really believe one cocktail party is going to save their chance with Matt?” -Joel Schirmer
Spon-Con
from my esteemed partners. Please also remember the important fact that I barely understand what is happening in some, if not all, of these ads below. I’m also not responsible for any typos.
A big thank you to Kevin Keith for the logo design that he had to redo because I unintentionally stole a newsletter that already existed.
Shower Thoughts with Hanky
*disclaimer: these are not my original thoughts but were found on the internet*
In order to sleep, we first pretend to sleep.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Best cocktail commentary yet. "Drink and feel free to be a little annoyed." I shall. Oh, I shall.
Heather annoyed me the entire time. Every scene. Not here for it.
Also, I think Hannah B probably told Heather that she could see her and Matt together, but did not encourage to go on the show. Wish she would have stopped her though.